


Miss Lewis' Home for Peculiar Canines

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Adventures of Darcy and Balrog [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Lilo & Stitch (2002), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Darcyland, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, but Darcy attracts weirdness like Clint attracts mysterious injuries, vacations are supposed to be a way to get AWAY from weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9807287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Vacations are a time to get away from the hectic pace of day-to-day life, to bond with your family, and to enjoy nature.If you're Darcy and you're vacationing in Hawaii, it's also a time to meet furry blue aliens.  Because it's not like you don't know enough aliens already.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [Snowdove30](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowdove30/pseuds/Snowdove30), who said: Maybe you can do a crossover where the Avengers & crew go to Hawaii for vacation on Tony's private island/plantation. While there, Darcy and balrog run into a little girl named LILO and her "dog" Stitch. Cue ensuing hijinks
> 
> Thanks for the prompt!

Darcy was much more of a mountains-and-misty-forests kind of girl than a tropical-island-paradise-and-white-sandy-beaches kind of girl.  Her Lewis DNA (thanks a lot, dad) tended to start wilting at seventy degrees Fahrenheit.  It was even worse if humidity was involved, causing her hair to explode into a floofy cloud of madness (again, thanks for nothing, dad).  It was a good thing New Mexico happened in the wintertime, otherwise things could have gotten ugly.  Well, uglier.

None of that meant that she was going to turn down a free trip to Tony Stark’s _Magnum, PI_ -esque Hawaiian vacation home.  Especially not when the Avengers’ new best friend, Doctor Stephen ‘yes, that is my real name, yes, I’m a real doctor, no, I’m not a timelord, for the love of funk and rock ’n roll will you _please_ go through the gate already’ Strange, offered to open a dimensional gateway straight to the estate.

Privately, Darcy suspected that it was due less to Stephen’s questionably generous nature and more to his desire to ditch Tony and his frequent, unannounced visits to the Sanctum to hang with his ‘awesome facial hair bro’.  Her suspicions were strengthened by the fact that he conveniently neglected to mention any return trip.  She wasn’t too concerned though, at least not for herself.  There was no way his cape would be willing to be separated from Balrog for more than a couple of weeks.

She and Balrog did the white sandy beaches the first couple of days, but Balrog was a forest beastie at heart, and Darcy would start to look like Vision after too much time in the sun.  She wasn’t like Jane, who turned a lovely golden brown the instant she set foot on a beach and stayed that way for approximately three months.  So they left the assorted Avengers on Tony’s private beach—Tony was attempting to attach repulsors to his surf board, Nat was racing Bucky to the buoy and back, Clint was trying to convince Sam to use his wings to take people water skiing, Vision and Wanda were sneaking shy glances at each other in their swim suits, and Steve Rogers, Captain freakin’ America, was building elaborate sand castles with Actual Alien and original Norse God of Thunder™ Thor—and went inland to explore.

 She was fairly confident they couldn’t get into _too_ much trouble if she left them for a couple of hours or so.  It wasn’t like she was leaving them unsupervised, after all.  Jane and Pepper were there to act as Responsible Adults.  They were reading side by side under an umbrella—Jane with a stack of the latest astrophysics journals (‘For crying out loud, Jane, we’re supposed to be here for _fun.’_   ‘This _is_ fun, Darcy!’  ‘Sweet Mew-Mew, you sound like Scotty in _The Trouble with Tribbles!’_   ‘You mean that as an insult, but I take it as a compliment.’) and Pepper with a hardback copy of _The Silmarillion,_ which took Darcy’s already embarrassing case of hero worship to screaming fangirl levels.

It was quieter under the trees, and Darcy released a long breath.  She loved her obnoxious adoptive family, she really did, but it didn’t change the fact that, apart from Pepper (who was really a goddess-like outlier and should not figure into the data), she was the only real grownup in the bunch.  And parenting an assortment of mad scientists and superpowered oversized toddlers was exhausting.  Yes, it was her job, and yes, she was fantastic at it and wouldn’t change it for the world.  But hey, she was on vacation!

Balrog, who usually never went faster than a saunter, was darting around, investigating smells and small animals and somehow neatly avoiding getting his antlers tangled in any of the foliage.  Darcy realized that this was the closest he’d been to a forest since she’d found him on Asgard, unless she counted trips to Central Park.  Which she didn’t.  Maybe Stephen would be willing to make portals to appropriately woody locations in exchange for baked goods and a promise to run interference on Tony.  It was something to keep in mind.

Balrog froze, head cocked to the side as he stared into the trees.  Darcy frowned.  ‘What is it?’  Almost before she finished speaking, she heard it too—yelling, the whine of antigravity generators, and what sounded disturbingly like laser fire.  She groaned.  Trust the Avengers to visit Hawaii in the middle of an alien attack.  ‘Seriously?  I’m on _vacation.’_   She glanced back towards Tony’s beach, biting her lip as she weighed her options.  The sensible thing to do would be to go back and round up the cavalry.  They could probably wrap up whatever was going on in time for s’mores on the beach.  On the other hand, she was closer to the battle—or whatever—than she was to backup, and she _did_ have her taser and panic button…

She turned back to Balrog, who was watching her, one brow ridge raised.  Grinning, she pulled Palpatine from his holster.  ‘A little reconnaissance couldn’t hurt, could it?’

They started through the trees again, moving quieter than they had before.  Not that it mattered, whatever battle going on ahead of them was clearly loud enough to cover any noise they made.  As they got closer, Darcy could make out words in the shouting.

‘I’ve got a bogie on my six!  Commander Stitch, where are you?  I NEED BACKUP!’

Darcy blinked.  That…that sounded like a kid.

‘Stitch a little busy!’

That did _not_ sound like a kid.

‘We’re the planet’s last hope!  If we die today, there’ll be nobody left to stop the Zombie Bunny invasion!’

‘Stitch will get to it when he can!”

Darcy was starting to suspect she was missing vital data.  Especially since any invasion of alien zombie bunnies would ideally involve the Avengers.  The Avengers who were currently goofing off on the beach with no idea that the fate of the world apparently rested in the hands of a little girl and a…something else.

Darcy and Balrog stopped on the edge of a clearing, where she was somewhat relieved to discover the Zombie Bunny Apocalypse was not actually taking place.  At least, there were no actual bunnies, zombie or otherwise, present in the clearing.  Instead, there were two mini convertibles.  Two _flying_ mini convertibles, piloted a little girl of maybe seven or eight—Darcy was bad with guessing children’s ages, since the children she dealt with generally tended toward thirty and up—and a creature that was definitely not of Earth.

They were currently engaged in a two-person dogfight, swooping around the clearing and firing laser blasts into the trees.  Darcy ducked as one came perilously close to taking off her head.  When she stood up again, she found herself face to face with the small, blue pilot of the red convertible.

‘Captain Lilo, we have spies!  Should I shoot them?’ he asked, watching Darcy with a wide, toothy grin, bright black eyes shining.

She pointed Palpatine at him.  ‘Try it, fuzzy.’

The second convertible, this one bright yellow, nudged the first out of the way.  The girl, Lilo, glared at companion.  ‘No!  What have I told you about threatening tourists?’

He crossed his arms, pouting.  ‘That it’s not the behaviour of a model citizen,’ he muttered.

‘Exactly.  I’m sorry if Stitch scared you,’ Lilo added, turning back to Darcy.  ‘He’s a little excitable.’

Darcy shrugged, returning Palpatine to his holster.  ‘No worries.  We didn’t mean to interrupt, but where I’m from, shouting and laser blasts usually don’t mean good things.  My name’s Darcy, by the way, and this is Balrog.’

‘I’m Lilo, and that’s Stitch.  Is your dog an alien?’

‘Uh, yeah.  How could you tell?’

Lilo flew over to Balrog and held out a hand for him to sniff.  ‘The antlers kind of gave it away.  What kind of alien is he?  Is he an experiment?  Stitch is an experiment.’

‘No, he’s a bilgesnipe.  He’s from Asgard.’

Lilo grinned.  ‘Cool!  I’ve never met anyone from Asgard.’  Balrog had apparently decided he approved of Lilo, because he was letting her scratch him between the antlers.

Stitch sniffed.  ‘Asgard overrated.’

‘Why?’ Darcy asked curiously.  ‘Have you been?’

‘Nope.  But anyone from Asgard is a stupidhead.’

‘Thor’s from Asgard.’

‘Thor’s a stupidhead.’

Lilo rolled her eyes.  ‘He is not!  Uncle Phil said he was really nice, even though he’s not as cool as Captain America.’

‘Captain America’s a stupidhead.’

Darcy snickered.  ‘He does have his moments.  But this Uncle Phil of yours—he wouldn’t happen to be Phil Coulson, would he?’  Those convertibles looked an awful lot like Lola.

Lilo grinned.  ‘Yeah!  Do you know him?  He helped Mr. Bubbles and Jumba make our cars!’

‘That sounds like him.  Yeah, Phil and I go way back.  He stole my iPod.’

Stitch giggled, managing to make it sound evil.  ‘Good for Phil.’  He climbed out of his car and sat in front of Balrog, who raised a brow ridge at him.

Lilo looked slightly scandalized.  ‘No, _not_ good!  I can’t believe he did that.  I always thought he was the best model citizen.  After Elvis, of course.’  It was obvious the way she said it that Elvis was the epitome of Model Citizen.

‘Nah, it’s all good.  He was young and impetuous at the time, but he gave it back, so we’re cool now.  I think he’s grown as a person since then.’

She still looked dubious, and Darcy felt guilty for tarnishing her picture of Coulson.  Then again, men who want to be held up as Model Citizens shouldn’t go around stealing innocent Science!minions’ iPods.

Of course, saying Coulson was a Model Citizen in the first place was like saying Steve Rogers was a mature grownup who made rational, informed decisions.

Stitch was muttering under his breath, staring at Balrog’s antlers while the bilgesnipe watched with an amused expression.  Suddenly he went quiet and squeezed his eyes shut.  Darcy raised an eyebrow.  ‘Is he okay?’

Lilo shrugged.  ‘He gets like this sometimes, it’s no big deal.’

Two tiny nubs appeared on his head, and Stitch’s eyes popped opened.  Balrog started chortling, his spiky tail waiving in the air behind him.  Stitch crossed his arms and glared.  ‘Stop laughing at me.’

Balrog didn’t.

‘Stop laughing, pointyhead!’ he shrieked.  When insults had no effect, he opened his mouth wide and licked Balrog across the face.  Balrog stared at him in shock.  Narrowing his eyes, Balrog raised a claw and swatted Stitch, sending the small blue experiment rolling straight across the clearing.  Stitch landed upside down against a tree.  He blinked twice, then jumped to his feet, growing an extra set of arms with a screech and charged Balrog, climbing in the bilgesnipe’s antlers like they were monkey bars.

Darcy and Lilo glanced at each other.  ‘They seem to be bonding,’ Darcy offered.

Lilo waved a hand.  ‘Actually, he usually doesn’t get along with new people this well.  This is good!’

‘Right… How did you guys meet, anyway?’

‘I bought him from the animal shelter after he got run over by a truck.’

‘Groovy.  I adopted Balrog after his parents died fighting a troll.’

Stitch threw himself onto Balrog’s back, holding onto an antler with two hands while shading his eyes with another and pointing forward with a fourth.  ‘Charge, pointyhead!’

Balrog reared—whether to throw Stitch off or for effect, Darcy wasn’t sure—and galloped through the trees, back the way he and Darcy had come.

‘We should probably follow them,’ Darcy said, jogging after them.  She glanced at Lilo over her shoulder.  ‘How do you feel about meeting the Avengers?’

Lilo grinned.  ‘That would be AMAZING!'

Darcy waved her forward.  'Well, come on.  Hopefully we can get there before the shooting starts.'

'It's okay if we don't.  Stitch is bulletproof.'

'I think Balrog might be, too.  But I'd prefer not to find out.'

From the beach ahead of them, there was squawk.  'LEWIS, YOU CANNOT KEEP ADOPTING ALIEN ABOMINATIONS!'

Darcy cupped her hands around her mouth to yell back.  'Only one of those abominations is mine, Tony.  Relax!  You're on vacation!'

**Author's Note:**

> On the way back to the beach, Stitch and Balrog pass a tourist with an ice cream cone and a painful sunburn. The ice cream is dislodged in their wake, and a single tear trails down his otherwise stoic face.
> 
> Tony's words on meeting Stitch were something to the effect of 'NOT ANOTHER ONE!'
> 
> I've got one more prompt to write (which should go pretty quick), and then I can post the Darcy/Strange fic I've been sitting on since early December. Yay!
> 
> As always, you can leave prompts in the comments below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr. No smut, slash, or polyships, please and thank you.
> 
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
